Saturday, May 24, 2014

Taint by S.L. Jennings

Posted by miss fifi at Saturday, May 24, 2014

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3.5 I-Had-LOTSSSSSSSSS-Of-FUN-Reading-the-Book-but-the-Silly-Me-Just-Couldn't-Accept-Certain-Stuffs Stars



I was thinking bout slapping a FIVE stars to the book but decided against it when I reached the part that I hated (view spoiler)


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Let's start with the cover..hmm, PSYCHO ALERT? *raises eyebrow*



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Now, lets take a look at the FUCKING INTERESTING blurb:



Right now, you’re probably asking yourself two things:

Who am I?
And, what the hell are you doing here? 

Let’s start with the most obvious question, shall we? 

You’re here, ladies, because you can’t f*ck.

Oh, stop it. Don’t cringe. No one under the age of 80 clutches their pearls. 
You might as well get used to it, because for the next six weeks, you’re going to hear that word a lot. And you’re going to say it a lot. 
Go ahead, try it out on your tongue. 
F*ck. F***ck.

Ok, good. Now where were we?

If you enrolled yourself in this program then you are wholly aware that you’re a lousy lay. Good for you. Admitting it is half the battle.

For those of you that have been sent here by your husband or significant other, dry your tears and get over it. You’ve been given a gift, ladies. The gift of mind-blowing, wall-climbing, multiple-orgasm-inducing sex. You have the opportunity to f*ck like a porn star. And I guarantee, you will when I’m done with you.

And who am I?

Well, for the next six weeks, I will be your lover, your teacher, your best friend, and your worst enemy. Your every-f*cking-thing. I’m the one who is going to save your relationship and your sex life.

I am Justice Drake. 
And I turn housewives into whores. 

Now…who’s first?




How could you not be curious bout him?


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Now here comes the part where I start babbling aka the part where people stop reading ;)



Lets meet my Justice Drake ( I hate that name btw)


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He was cocky as fuck! description



And this would be his Allyson..


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And she was all, 'I'm better than YOU!' , description yeah typical spoiled brat case there..



But in the end, he kinda tainted her too though..And TAINT is...



TAINT


v. taint·ed, taint·ing, taints
1. To corrupt morally.
2. to sully or tarnish (a person's name, reputation, etc.).
n
1. a defect or flaw
2. An infecting touch, influence, or tinge.




Just pick whatever suits you~



Anyway here's a simple summary of the book..



She went to Oasis, 



Welcome to Oasis, ladies. We want you to consider this your home for the next six weeks of instruction. ~ Justice




..to improve herself for her cheating husband, by cheating I mean, he cheated on her in the past, he was also cheating on her when she was in the program..the cheating goes on and on.. 


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She was like, 'I should be better for the douchebag so that he won't cheat anymore! Oh, I'm so fucking smart!'



And obviously, the cheating happens for a reason, right?



They seem perfect in every way. Beautiful, intelligent, graceful. The perfect accessory for the man who has it all.

Except one thing.
They’re as dull as lukewarm dishwater once you get them on their perfectly postured backs.




That's when Justice, the cocky instructor who thought he was the best of the best, like a superhero or something (JUSTICE DRAKE FOR REAL!), came to the rescue!


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Day-fucking-One. I’m so screwed. ~ Justice




They had a talk, and it wasn't a nice one..because he kinda INSULTED her in front of eleven people..So she went teary eyed and he had to go after her.. (WHAT IS THIS, A KOREAN MELODRAMA?)


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So he apologized to her.. (Yeah, he wasn't as badass as he said..) And then they became friends! (Don't worry, it wasn't as cliche as it sounds, trust me!)



Starting from there, life went on and the lessons started, involving sexy lingeries, strippers and no-cock (the latter (view spoiler))~



He was cocky but he was good at his job..because he understood and loved women *raises eyebrow*



You see, women are liars.

Yeah, I said it. L-I-A-R-S.
They want intimacy just as badly as men do. But to them, intimacy is more than just the physical act of sex. They want to be cherished, yet want a man that will get down and dirty. They want tenderness, but crave to be banged like a $2 hooker. They want a man that’ll go all night but still have the energy to kiss and cuddle and talk about their feelings afterward.
Listen up, ladies. We’re fucking tired! You try going jackrabbit-style, throw in some Cirque du Soleil moves and see if you can keep your eyelids peeled. Us passing out after sex is a compliment—a testament to how good it was. ~ Justice (wait, I still hate his name)




He was crudely correct most of the time but damn if it wasn't fun to read lol 



THERE’S ONE THING that a man wants you to stroke more than his cock: his ego.




However, there was a lil temptress that kept distracting him though.. Despite his lame efforts at keeping her at a distance..



Before she turns to walk away, she smiles at me, not at all put off by my icy approach as I had hoped.

Note to self: Be more of an asshole.




And the same temptress introduced him to the word 'fun' in a quite 'new' way ;) ( don't get naughty thoughts in your head!!)



“Hell yeah,” I half-groan against my better judgment. But it’s too late. Allison Elliott-Carr has weakened my defenses with just a spoonful of Haagen-Dazs.

“I told you! Ice cream is the answer for everything. It’s the ultimate cure-all.”
I chuckle as she feeds me another bite, and I devour it hungrily. “You might be onto something there, Ally.”
“I could totally spend the rest of my life eating only this and nothing else.” She places another helping onto her tongue from the same spoon I just made sweet, passionate love to. “I still can’t believe you had never tried it.”




Time passed and stuff got a bit out of control for him..



I’m touching another man’s wife.

I almost kissed another man’s wife.
I want to fuck another man’s wife.




I mean, he was just a guy, he had a dick you know?



And it happens. Her lips are touching me—kissing me. It’s half a millisecond and she turns away just as swiftly, as if she doesn’t even register what she’s done to me. To her, it’s just an innocent peck on the cheek. To me, it’s enough to make my dick try to manually unzip my slacks, in hopes that it’ll get a kiss too.




And she was damn adorable at time, who could say no to that?


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“No? I shouldn’t fire her for serving such cold, soulless food? Or maybe I should can my sous chef, Riku. Good kid. He’ll land on his feet eventually,” I jibe, as we stroll toward the main house.

“No, you shouldn’t. That would make you a dick. And I’m quite enjoying the non-dick you.”
I turn to her, my eyes wide in mock mortification. “Non-dick me?”
“No! No, not what I meant! I mean, the dickless you. No! Um, uh, you without the dickiness!” Ally covers her rapidly reddening face with her other hand and shakes her head. “Oh my God, I’m hopeless. Cut out my tongue now before I make an even bigger fool of myself.”




Definitely NOT him..



Yeah…even her snorts are adorable.

And fuck me. I’m using words like adorable.




She picks something up and brings it to her nose, then gags and puts it back. I stifle a chuckle.

Ugh. Chuckling. What am I now? A giddy ass tween whose balls haven’t fully dropped yet? I palm mine just to make sure my boys are still intact.




What is it about this girl? She’s so cool and cute and funny, and just…real. She’s my burger girl. Everyone else is just salad—cold and unfulfilling.




But then, life's never easy (especially when you're on Fictionland) so back to the reason why they met again..



This isn’t some movie where the underdog wins the girl, saving her from a lifetime of heartache. This is real life, and in this episode of “Lifestyles of the Rich and Lonely” the good guy doesn’t rescue the girl from her philandering husband.

No. He teaches her how to fuck him.





So? Go freaking read it yourself, I'm not a storyteller!


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p/s: certain exaggerations also contributed to the less than impressive stars, like this one here: 



“Allison Elliot-Carr, wife of Evan Winston Carr and daughter to Richard and Melinda Elliot. Graduated from Columbia with a degree in Business and Finance in 2009, though your true passion is Philanthropy, and you spend your free time working with various charities and non-profits. You pledged Kappa Delta Nu sophomore year, where you met Evan, a senior, legacy member and president of your brother fraternity. You were exclusive to Evan throughout college, and during Christmas of 2008, he proposed in front of both your families at your parents’ winter estate in Aspen. You were wed the following summer in New York City and honeymooned in the Caribbean. You hate spiders, scary movies and think sweater vests should be outlawed. You can’t function without Starbucks, have a borderline unhealthy addiction to Friends reruns, and you eat ice cream daily. Mint Chocolate Chip is your current drug of choice, I believe. And according to the tabloids, your husband is sleeping with your best friend, and charming the panties off half of the Upper East Side. Plus you two haven’t fucked in months. But that’s just a little something I didn’t pick up from Page Six.” I lift an amused brow and lean forward, taking in her horrified expression. “Shall I go on?”




I mean, seriously, it'd take forever for me to memorize that shit and he had like 12 clients, how, how and how on Earth did he manage to memorize that much infos? *mind blown*

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